DISPATCH FROM SALT LAKE: CONFESSIONS OF A PINAHOLIC
By JOHN YOUNGREN
SALT LAKE CITY – I’m shaking it off, but it’s been damn tough.
My damn pin obsession, that is.
"Hi folks, my name is John. And I’m a pinaholic."
For months prior to the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, I could care less about Olympic pins. Sure, I had a few – media pins, mostly, or novelty pins someone slipped me along the way.
But then the 2002 Games came and I couldn’t help myself. As most of you know if you’ve checked this space for the past few weeks, I became obsessed with pin collecting, buying, selling and trading. I’d wander the streets of downtown Salt Lake City searching for "Today" show pins and Sports Illustrated pins and all kinds of pins on other aspects of the Olympics.
Shiny pins. Pretty pins.
Like a cat with a ball of yarn, I couldn’t take my eyes off them.
What I once nonchalantly waved off, I now fretted to find. For maybe 14 of the 17 days of the Olympics in Salt Lake, I was out searching for pins.
It got to the point where I could quote prices and value of pins to people in my office: "The Utah fry sauce pin?" I found myself saying last week. "That’s running about $45 these days."
That Green Jello pin? Try $145.
I was searching Olympics pin websites and hitting up clients and friends for pins they might have access to.
I haven’t heard from a few friends I normally do in a while. I wonder: Should I take that as a hint?
It gets worse, too: A couple of weeks ago, just after the Olympics had wrapped, a woman in my office asked me if I wanted to trade her for a duplicate Olympic pin she had. "Sure," I said, and then got inspired. I brought in my whole tradable collection, set-up a pin trading stand at my desk and welcomed all my colleagues to get in on the act.
I made the first trade and kept the pins out for more than a week. I gave some away and accepted some gift pins. One of my colleagues even ripped me off – exchanging my hard-to-find "Mormon missionaries on bicycles" pin for a Donny & Marie Closing Ceremonies pin when I was in a meeting (and not at my desk to guard my booth). I let him get away with it, but based on what I’ve seen since, the Mormon missionary pin is going up in value ($15 last time I saw it), while Donny & Marie is going down ($8 at last check).
I said it was all tongue-in-cheek, but really. Most of the people in my office acted as though I was interesting, but also a bit pathetic and somewhat insane as they came by and checked out my pins. One colleague in particular couldn’t help herself.
Though I told her I hoped collecting pins was a way to meet the "babes," she kept calling me "pin nerd."
By Monday of this week, I’d taken down my pin-trading stand – not wanting to embarrass myself any further. But I have to admit, even as the Paralymics have been winding down, I’ve still been stalking the streets of Salt Lake City, searching for the latest compelling pin.
Yes, I’m a pinaholic. Or, maybe more aptly, a pin nerd.
Call this my final confession.
And, as an act of contrition, I offer the parody song lyrics, below.
* * *
THE SONG I (RE)WROTE, IN TRUE MAD MAGAZINE TRADITION:
"Pin Nerd"
(Sung to the tune of Hall & Oates’ "Rich Girl")
You’re a pin nerd, and it’s gone too far
But to you it don’t matter anyway
Said you’d give up when the Games are over
Said you’d give up when the Games are over
They’re just tin, nerd, and it’s gone too far
Making more and more of it each day
But the trading won’t get you too far,
Get you too far
‘Cause don’t you know, don’t you know
That it’s odd
The way you’ve been trolling pins
So far gone, are you insane?
You can try to be cool
But you’ll never be cool, no you’ll never be cool
You’re a pin nerd, and it’s gone too far
But to you it don’t matter anyway
Said you’ll give up when the Games are over
Said you’ll give up when the Games are over
They’re just tin, nerd, and you’ve gone too far
Making more and more of it each day
You can say trading but it won’t get you too far
Get you too far
Flat down broke
Out of the way
It’s not easy
To buy groceries when you want to trade
Stupid pins
Not good any-more
‘There’s just too much to get
And you don’t wanna let
Any of them go, oh
You’re a pin nerd,
A pin nerd,
You’re a tin pin nerd, yeah
* * *
ON TV – HE’S STICKING AROUND: USA Today’s headline read "Never Mind."
Entertainment Weekly called him "TV’s Hamlet."
David Letterman got a pretty bad time for his flirtation with ABC, which – he announced on Monday – was going to stay simply that: Flirtation.
He turned down the Disney folks, and he’s going to stay with CBS.
Case closed.
And really, what’s the big deal? The guy turned down a job offer. It happened to be front-page news to the entertainment press across America, but that’s really all it came down to. It wasn’t about money (really), or opportunity. Letterman was simply exploring his options. Word happened to get out. All things considered, he decided to stay where he was.
Who among us hasn’t faced a similar decision somewhere in our professional lives? (As some of my friends will tell you, I’ve done what Letterman did about 11 times in my professional career. Once or twice, I’ve even taken it a step further – akin to Dave actually starting to build a new set at ABC before deciding to change his mind.)
As I wrote a week or two ago, I thought Letterman going to ABC would have been a blast – if only for the hype the move would have drawn and the saber-rattling Letterman could have done to jolt Jay Leno. But I don’t blame him for not wanting to move. The CBS "Late Show" has become a well-established franchise. Why move across town and start again?
Dave has had friendly guests like Ray Romano and Regis Philbin poking him over his decision this week, but the furor will die down. TV will go on.
And Dave will soon be back to being good old grumbling Dave.
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That’s it for this time. Tune in again soon for another edition of "Pop Stew!"
