YET ANOTHER LIST: MY OWN TOP 25 TV CHARACTERS, EVER

By JOHN YOUNGREN

Here’s the deal: A few weeks ago, a screenwriter (with a blog) named James Gunn penned an entry highlighting his list of his favorite 25 TV characters, ever.
Blogs being what they are, the list got picked up and commented upon all around the www, including at the Entertainment Weekly website (“Popwatch”) and the USA Today website (“Pop Candy”).
Hmm. I used to call this website “Pop Stew.” (Don’t believe me? Check the archives.) Anyone noticing a trend here? And that was my name first.
But I digress. Back to Gunn. Probably the most interesting response to his list of favorite TV characters came from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” writer/director extraordinaire Joss Whedon, who listed his own personal top 25 TV peeps on whedonesque.com.
And you can imagine what happened from there. Gunn told two friends, and Joss told two friends, and so on and so on and so on.
And now you can figure where I’m going: Because I figured, no – I’m no fancy-ass screenwriter like Gunn or Whedon, but I was a professional TV critic for a few years back there in the ‘90s, meaning people actually paid me for my opinions on these matters. Plus, there’s the not-insignificant fact that I’ve been watching TV (pretty much qualifying me as an expert) for about 40 years now. Intensively.
As the Judds would sing, “why not me?”
So I made my own fucking list.
Both Gunn and Whedon made a pretty big deal about how these were the characters that just popped – there’s that word again – to mind in a few minutes, no great studying or research needed or intended. So I took that to heart, too, and banged these out in a few minutes over a glass of Chardonnay and a cigar on the deck. (I did spell-check, however. I’m funny that way.)
Gunn’s original guidelines on choosing his characters were pretty basic:
• No puppets or cartoons.
• No mini-series.
• No reality show people.
• All characters must be regulars on the show.
I’ll follow Gunn’s rules and now offer my own list.
Remember, these are my choices – my favorites. You can have your own, but then post them somewhere yourself.
And no, they’re not in any particular order, really:
1. Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland), “24.” Tell me there’s been a fucking cooler character on TV, ever. Thank God Emmy got something right this year.
2. Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar), “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.” Whedon’s own ass-kicking heroine. It didn’t hurt that Gellar is smoking hot.
3. Capt. James T. Kirk (William Shatner), “Star Trek.” Long before he revived his career as Denny Crane, Shatner made his career as the ass-kicking, ass-chasing captain.
4. Capt. Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart), “Star Trek – The Next Generation.” Picard could kick ass – but it was his cerebral sense of command that made him so great. Plus, good bald.
5. Larry Sanders (Garry Shandling), “The Larry Sanders Show.” This was Garry Shandling, basically, playing a character more or less based on himself. In today’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm” template, he would have just used his real name.
6. Jim Rockford (James Garner), “The Rockford Files.” When I was a kid, that “$200 a day plus expenses” arrangement sounded pretty damn good.
7. Michael Kuzak (Harry Hamlin), “L.A. Law.” One of television’s best-ever crusading lawyers, and the best role Hamlin ever had.
8. Hawkeye Pierce (Alan Alda), “M*A*S*H.” I can still hear Hawkeye’s comebacks and jokes in my head, 30 years later. Despite the pompous later years, Hawkeye rules.
9. Brenda Walsh (Shannen Doherty), “Beverly Hills, 90210.” My original teen angsty semi-misunderstood babe. If she slayed vampires, she’d have it all.
10. Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford), “The West Wing.” I always thought if I was a character on “The West Wing,” I’d be Josh.
11. Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards), “ER.” “Love’s Labor Lost?” Best. Episode. Ever. Greene is Dr. God. Plus, good bald.
12. Rachel Karen Green (Jennifer Aniston), “Friends.” Long before she was Mrs. Brad Pitt or met Vince Vaughn, I like to think I discovered Jennifer Aniston.
13. Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry), “Friends.” To this day, no one can deliver a dumb line with more pluck than Chandler.
14. Fox Mulder (David Duchovny), “The X-Files.” Talk about cool under pressure. Cerebral, heroic. Plus, lonely guy who loves porn. What’s not to love?
15. John Kelly (David Caruso), “NYPD Blue.” Some would argue Andy Sipowicz, and I certainly have great respect for Dennis Franz – especially given the fact that he stayed with the show. But Caruso as Kelly in that first year? No TV character was better defined, better played or more forcefully sympathetic. He made “you OK?” a catchphrase.
16. Michael Steadman (Ken Olin), “thirtysomething.” The center of this fine ensemble. Maybe it’s the ad guy in me. I always hoped I’d be Michael and get Hope. I’m still waiting.
17. Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner), “Alias.” Another ass-kicking heroine. Another smoking hot babe. Plus, she had wigs!
18. Sam Malone (Ted Danson), “Cheers.” When you watch Danson do it, he makes everything Sam is about just so damn funny. A great underrated character on a maybe overrated series. (Yes, I said that.)
19. Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), “Seinfeld.” Sure, Seinfeld was spinning on himself and wasn’t the best actor in the early years. And George, Kramer and Elaine were all more “out there.” But Jerry could be so cutting, so vindictive, so neurotic, so selfish. So me. So you. That’s why we love him.
20. Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell), “Veronica Mars.” The current model of the ass-kicking heroine, although she doesn’t kick it as often as she just out-thinks everyone around her. And Bell pulls it off beautifully (pun intended).
21. Col. Hogan (Bob Crane), “Hogan’s Heroes.” When I was a kid, I wanted to be in charge of a group of prisoners in a P.O.W. camp during World War II. That’s acting. Plus, I wanted that hat and that jacket. That’s wardrobe.
22. Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), “Sex & The City.” No ass kicking. But you’ve got to love the fact that Carrie was a writer with one column due every week and she always found time to read it aloud as she wrote (which I’m doing right now, ironically). Plus, Parker? Hot. And sexy shoes.
23. Bobby Donnell (Dylan McDermott), “The Practice.” Michael Kuzak, the Next Generation.
24. David Brent (Ricky Gervais), “The Office” (BBC version). Gervais hits so close to home it generally kills. The episode where he’s a motivational speaker? Hate to say it. That’s me.
25. President Jed Bartlet (Martin Sheen), “The West Wing.” I’d vote for him again and again. Even his dopier moments were far more inspiring than anything you’ll find in real life, at least at the moment.

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ON THE DOT: Now back in business (with a modified rating system) the “John Youngren Dot Com” blog (once known as “Pop Stew”) should be updated regularly. And remember, as always, this is just an exhibition; it is not a competition – so please, no wagering. To contact John, e-mail johnyoungren@mac.com