A FACEBOOK PARODY: 25 RANDOM (UNTRUE) THINGS ABOUT ME…

INSTRUCTIONS

I am doing this because – I thought it would be amusing.

Here are the rules I received: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (And I do these tag things reluctantly; this one just seemed like fun.)

Here's how to do this: Go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. I once shot a man to death in cold blood. After he was dead, I drank his blood. (I guess this counts as two, really.)

2. If biscuits and gravy are on the menu, then sign me up!

3. I have six toes – on my left hand.

4. My favorite fictional character is Peter Pan. After that, Lucy Ricardo. And then, Sulu, for whatever reason.

5. Cameron Diaz can have my cell phone number any day of the week. After that, Camryn Manheim (look it up).

6. I often wonder how things would have worked out if my primary campaign for President of the United States hadn’t gone so poorly in 2004.

7. If I could choose one super power? I guess I’d pick the ability to swim really, really well.

8. If Vicki Lawrence’s “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” is playing on the jukebox, then watch me scoot to the dance floor!

9. I always dreamed of being bald. And then it came true.

10. When I’m brushing my teeth, I’ll often look at myself in the mirror. It's just my way.

11. I actually liked “Cheers” better in the Kirstie Alley years.

12. My dream career? Bill (or debt) collector. I love harassing interesting new people by telephone.

13. Puppy or monkey? Monkey, for me.

14. My first real girlfriend was a paid prostitute. (Thanks, Dad.)

15. I can’t tie a tie. (I mean it, outside of this parody.)

16. I hate the taste of ice.

17. Strangely enough, I can’t follow the American system of measurements, but I’ve embraced that kilometers and celsius bullshit.

18. People often tell me I look like former vice president Dick Cheney, whose portrait I have above my bed.

19. I never repeat when I shampoo, and laugh about it to myself every morning.

20. I make my own ketchup.

21. I once found $3 in cash on the floor in an Albertsons. I was going through the checkout line. A girl behind me in line was suddenly searching for her lost cash. I didn’t say anything and spent her money on nicotine and beer.

22. I am truly afraid of my own shadow. Because it's spooky.

23. I wish either my first or last name was Dennis.

24. I think men should still wear powdered wigs.

25. I once got so mad at myself I didn’t talk to myself for nearly three weeks.

And a bonus...

26. My best opening line to a woman? "How much do you weigh?"

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ON THE DOT: Now back in business (with a modified rating system) the “John Youngren Dot Com” blog (once known as “Pop Stew”) should be updated regularly. And remember, as always, this is just an exhibition; it is not a competition – so please, no wagering. To contact John, e-mail johnyoungren@mac.com