INSIGHTS FROM MY SO-CALLED LIFE: MY TAKE ON THE PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

By JOHN YOUNGREN

Each and every month, Vanity Fair magazine features a celebrity or newsmaker responding to a survey of questions in what they call the “Proust Questionnaire.” This is the Vanity Fair spin on the Q&A that many magazines do.

Who’s Proust? Andre Maurois's Proust: Portrait of a Genius explains. The young Proust was asked to fill out questionnaires at two social events: one when he was 13, another when he was 20. His responses became famous as part of his overall makeup and history.

Last time I updated this site, I spent the space on what my responses might be if I responded to Esquire’s “Lessons in Living” feature. That went over well. So I gave this one a spin. (Remember, buy the premise – buy the bit.)

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
–A cigar and a glass of Chardonnay on the summer deck at Arlington Place. Or, a beer down and another in hand while dining on a hot dog during the fifth inning at Yankee Stadium.
What is your greatest fear?
–People laughing at me when I’m not in on the joke.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
–Thomas Jefferson.
Which living person do you most admire?
–Bill Clinton, Paul McCartney.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
–That my “charming” insecurities sometimes bloom into out-and-out neuroses.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
–Arrogance. Or arrogant people reminding me how important they are.
What is your greatest extravagance?
–DVDs, books and CDs, sports memorabilia, action figures and men’s shoes, not necessarily in that order.
What is your favorite journey?
–The ride home to Newburgh.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
–Punctuality.
On what occasion do you lie?
–If I’m running late. If I miss a deadline. Or if a client won’t have it any other way.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
–My nose and hairline are the obvious things. Lately, there’s a little more gut than I’d like.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
–"FYI,” “evidently” and “yeah, I’ll have another.”
What is your greatest regret?
–Far too many to list here. That’s an entire blog in itself.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
–Not sure anyone has fully qualified yet, though there have been a few who have (wittingly or unwittingly) sparked a lifetime of therapy.
Which talent would you most like to have?
–To be able to sing or play a musical instrument. Well, that is.
What is your current state of mind?
–Searching for a signal.
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
–That I’d have ended up with an Italian surname.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
–Editor of my junior high newspaper. Editor of my senior high newspaper. Editor of my college newspaper.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
–A 1995 Saab Turbo SE.
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
–A successful TV talk show host.
What is your most treasured possession?
–My Michael Jordan autographed basketball or Joe Montana autographed football.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
–When my stomach makes me pay for my indulgences.
What is your favorite occupation?
–Newspaper columnist.
What is your most marked characteristic?
–My storytelling ability, despite what some might say.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
–Humor and humility.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
–Humor and patience. And nice legs.
What do you most value in your friends?
–Humor and loyalty.
Who are your favorite writers?
–Bob Greene, Chuck Klosterman and Nick Hornby.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
–Captain Kirk, Jack Bauer and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or Hamlet.
What is it that you most dislike?
–Stupidity.
How would you like to die?
–Heroically.
What is your motto?
–"Just give me the damn thing and I’ll do it.”

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ON THE DOT: Now back in business (with a modified rating system) the “John Youngren Dot Com” blog (once known as “Pop Stew”) should be updated regularly. And remember, as always, this is just an exhibition; it is not a competition – so please, no wagering. To contact John, e-mail johnyoungren@mac.com